


i messed up (can i start again?)

by orphan_account



Series: Careful What You Wish For AU [1]
Category: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Adoption, Donald Duck Needs a Hug, Donald-centric, Drastic Life Decisions, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Second Thoughts, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing, The Three Caballeros break up and Donald thinks it’s his fault, Trans Character, Trans Donald Duck, Trans Male Character, Usage of a deadname, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: What’s there else to say? I messed up. I should have said something. Maybe her brother wouldn’t have died because of that. Maybe I could’ve been a part of her life.Maybe they wouldn’t have left me.
Relationships: José Carioca/Donald Duck/Panchito Pistoles, Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Series: Careful What You Wish For AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043268
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	i messed up (can i start again?)

**Author's Note:**

> this is technically a prologue to a story i've always wanted to write, so,, yh, be on the lookout, ig <:)

If Panchito and José knew, they didn’t say anything.

They’ve been in the same building for so long. They knew one another like the back of their hands. Anything new was something they’d take in stride, no matter how big or how small.

But if they knew, (and he is so sure that they didn’t), they didn’t say anything.

They didn’t comment on how irritable he was, nor how they couldn’t touch him like they used to. Panchito always made sure to speak louder than necessary, just to chase away the silence that ripped and tore at him. José made sure to keep his hands in his vision, only grabbing at his hand or his wrist, a limb so easy to rip away from him should be necessary.

…

Donald knew he wasn’t an easy lover. One day, he’d be so quiet and so accepting of every aspect of his lovers. Panchito annoyed the shit out of him, sure, but he’d never try to stifle the joyous cries of the rooster. José was a pain in the ass with his attempts to be suave and mysterious, but Donald wouldn’t know where he’d be without his worldly nature.

He wasn’t an easy lover. But when the party happened… he knew he didn’t deserve them.

The party…

_ He’s buzzed, but not totally wasted. He knows that there’s not going to be much to remember. But the feeling of someone with their hands around his throat… the feeling of someone spreading his legs… Those are things burned into his soul. _

_ Markings of a night no one should ever have to experience. _

The party ruined his fun college days. José and Panchito never understood why he’d neglect the fun atmosphere of hanging with friends only to hit the bottle as soon as they left.

He never once wanted to tell them.

In hindsight, he probably should have.

…

He should have.

He should have.

He should have.

…

  
  


So why didn’t he?

So why didn’t he?

So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he? So why didn’t he?

…

…

  
  
  
  


He stands before the lovely couple, his egg laying so delicately in his arms. He’s staring at the floor, hearing the hesitant questions the woman gives him.

What was her name? Delilah Vanderduck? Something like that…

“...and you’re sure you want to do this?”

It’s an insensitive question that the officials had warned the two of them never to ask one another. But Delilah reminded him so much of his sister, always breaking the rules for the sake of curiosity.

And what a wonderful murder it dealt upon the cat…

“I’m sure,” he says softly, not meeting her eyes. “I can’t… I don’t really know how to explain it, but I’m not meant to be a parent. Not now, maybe not ever.”

Delilah makes a small noise, something of sadness or pity, he can’t make sure.

“I just want someone to take care of them– of  _ her,” _ he corrects himself. And Donald flinches when he looks up only to see them staring at the floor.

What was intended as two is now just one. A double stroller sits beside the door, only one seat filled, for now and forever.

“...Have already picked a name, you two?”

Delilah looks up quickly. It’s clear she’s the powerhouse of the two, as her husband had to step outside to deal with his emotions.

Regardless of how powerful she is emotionally, Donald hears the waver in her voice as she laughs and says, “We’re stuck between two, but we at least have a middle name.”

“That’s good,” Donald says absentmindedly. He stares down at the egg, and allows his thoughts to go soft, only focusing on his child.

No… Not his child.

Merely a person he gave birth to. Not his child–  _ never  _ his child.

“̵̳̫̺̆T̶̛̮́̃h̴̡̠̘̑̍͊e̵̤͂l̵̪͙̔͂̓m̵͍̦̒̃a̷͈̫͕͂͠.̷̺̀͐̇͜.̴͓̞̻͘.̷̪̻͓́”̶̛̛̣̉

Delilah places a hand on his wrist. “It’d be a pain in the ass, but you don’t have to do this if you’re having second thoughts.”

...Donald is  _ so _ tempted to follow her advice. But what he wants isn’t important. It’s what the baby  _ needs _ that is.

And what she needs isn’t some college kid who’s unsure of who knocked him up, stuck in a rut with his two lovers as they finish their schooling.

What this baby needs is a  _ family. _

A stable one, where there’s no adventure, no constant chasing of riches, and no prophecies of the world ending in a blaze of glory, surfaces glassed over and leaving nothing but a twirling marble in the solar system.

“Thanks,” he says, “but no thanks. We both need this… One of us more than the other.”

Who was who was something neither one of them could point out.

Delilah’s husband comes back, this time followed by an official who said the paperwork was finalized.

There’s chatter all around, but Donald says nothing to contribute to it. He idly recognizes that it’s getting a little late; Panchito and José would worry about him, completely unaware of where he is or what he’s currently doing.

It’s better that way.

Delilah promised they’d give her a good home. And that he was welcome to contact either one of them if curiosity got its hold on him.

He wasn’t going to.

In hindsight, he probably should have.

…

He should have.

He should have.

He should have.

…

So why didn’t he?

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if it’s messy, it started out as a ventfic before I got attached alxiebfib 


End file.
